


Made Of Stone

by esmereldagrace



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, Post-Break Up, Team Paul Narita
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 20:06:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15956570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmereldagrace/pseuds/esmereldagrace
Summary: So now here they were, havingtheconversation in a sterile hospital room. A conversation that should’ve happened the moment Will’s memory had come back. A conversation that would be a lot less humiliating if he hadn’t been pitied this whole time.But instead, it was most likely the last conversation that they would ever have, because after this, Paul wasn’t sure how much longer he could share the same town with Will.





	Made Of Stone

**Author's Note:**

> I love Paul Narita with all my heart and soul. I'm just gonna put it out there. 
> 
> It's why this fic exists, and it's why I think he deserves better than Will at the moment. As much as I love Will and Paul together, the way things have been going on lately make me feel like it's better if Paul just gets the hell outta town and finds someone who loves him the way he deserves to be loved. HE IS SUCH A GOOD MAN. 
> 
> This fic takes place in the somewhat distant future of about a week? (I don't know how soap timelines work!) But just assume that Will and the ex have an emotional thing going on, Will stayed with Paul after his paralysis, and things just came to a head?!
> 
> All my feelings about everything going on were kinda poured out into this, and as much as I would love to see Paul, FOR ONCE, to rant and rage...I just can't see him doing that. Maybe he'll surprise me though!
> 
> Title of the fic comes from this heart-achingly [beautiful song of the same name by Matt Corby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7zfHvdzaPw). It just gave me a shit ton of Paul feels when I listened to it the other week and realised it was perfect for him. ♥
> 
> This is unbeta-ed, so any mistakes you may find are all of my own. (And I'm also in the midst of a horrible cold, so I'm sure I've missed stuff!)
> 
> Thank you for reading if you do! And kudos/comments will be loved. Enjoy! ♥

 

Paul should've predicted this.

He should've known that this would happen to him.

His commitment, his trust, and his love for Will had blinded him.

Paul was the odd one out, again.

He'd fallen for his own lies, _again_.

Hook, line, and sinker.

He should’ve known that falling in love never ever went to plan for him. Either he fucked up, or someone figured out he wasn’t worth being with in the first place.

Maybe this time he’d held out too much hope for something he knew was slipping out of his grasp the moment he had a hold of it. Or maybe it was just Paul being stupidly naive to think that he deserved any happiness at all.

Honestly, his life had always been full of trials and tribulations, so he shouldn’t be new to all this.

If it wasn’t breaking through the ranks as an Asian American baseball player, or hiding his sexuality from a family that could’ve disowned him and a society that could reject him, it was getting injured and watching his career getting snatched away from him. Because _of course_ the universe took away the last thing that meant anything to him, the one thing that kept him grounded.  It also meant getting over heartbreak after heartbreak, each one knocking his confidence and self-worth every time.

There had to be something about him that was fundamentally unlovable. That he wasn’t worth staying with. That could be the only reason.

And now, Paul was at the edge of a precipice he wasn’t quite sure he would ever come back from unscathed. He was physically and mentally broken. He didn’t want to be positive anymore, he didn’t want to think optimistically, because what was the point? It only ever brought about pain.

The hard hitting fact was, that Paul was most likely never going to walk again. To know that his future was a big blur was the scariest thing. Scarier than the injury that ended his baseball career, scarier than anything else he had ever faced before.

However this time, the one thing he was sure of, the one person who he thought would’ve been by his side through this frightening time, wasn’t going to be there with him...because apparently these last few months had been months full of lies and false platitudes.

And he had been an absolute fool for falling for them.

So now here they were, having _the_ conversation in a sterile hospital room. A conversation that should’ve happened the moment Will’s memory had come back. A conversation that would be a lot less humiliating if he hadn’t been pitied this whole time.

But instead, it was most likely the last conversation that they would ever have, because after this, Paul wasn’t sure how much longer he could share the same town with Will.

No one needed to know that just yet. He didn’t owe anyone anything anymore.  

Paul didn’t want to shout, didn’t want to make a scene. Apparently he had naively thought that both him and Will had, had a grown up relationship, but that had never been the case.

However, he was willing to be the mature adult during, whatever this was, because someone had to be.

“Paul, I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

Paul laughed quietly, meeting Will’s gaze with a sad smile. “You’re just saying that because you wish I hadn’t caught you in the act. Who knows how long this would’ve gone on behind my back? It’s a good thing my Dad and Brady insisted I get some fresh air, otherwise I wouldn’t have seen you with Sonny talking about the paralyzed guy who’s put your life together on hold.”

Will, sat on a chair next to Paul’s bed, shook his head fervently. “No, Paul--I wanted to tell you, and I was going to tell you. But you weren’t doing okay and I didn't want to make things worse for you. You're going through so much right now, how could I do that to you?”

Paul set his eyes on the clock above the door of the room, unable to even look at Will. A dark and menacing thought that had emerged from the recesses of his mind came to the fore. “It would’ve been easier if I hadn’t survived, right? Then there would be no guilt, nothing to tell and no one to leave, because the guy you wanted to dump would be dead already. Job done--you’d have the easy reunion you had wanted for so long.”

“No, no—oh my god, Paul—please don’t say that,” Will said, horrified.

“Okay, so what were you going to tell me?” Paul said calmly, changing the subject. “You wanted to tell me that you had such intense feelings for Sonny, that you couldn’t do the decent thing and talk to me before you promised to be with him again? I trusted you with my heart and soul, Will--that’s the least I deserved.”

“I-I know that was wrong. I was just--”

Paul scoffed, some of his frustration seeping out, chancing a glance Will’s way. “Overwhelmed with your love for Sonny. I get it--you were so overwhelmed that you cheated on me, right?”

Will was obviously shocked hearing that.

“Yeah,” Paul admitted, “Brady told me everything, and I had no reason not to believe him. You were so overwhelmed by the rush of memories that you forgot everything we had? Did you even take any time to just think about things?”

Will bit his lip, shaking his head as his eyes filled with unshed tears. “I didn’t mean to break your heart.”

“Oh Will, but you did,” Paul told him, matter of factly, biting his lip to stop himself from telling Will just how much he’d broken _him_ and not just his heart. “I asked you to be honest when you told me you had your memories back, but you lied to me. I gave you so many chances to leave me, to cut your losses. But you told me you’d love me no matter what memories came back, and god, I was,” Paul stamped down the lump in his throat, “ _so stupid_ to believe that you would stick to your word. It’s all my fault, all of this is my fault.”

Will frowned his way. “What do you mean?”

Paul straightened the covers he was under and huffed out a laugh, swallowing around the dryness in his mouth. God, he wished he could have a drink, the strong kind. More than anything, he wished he could get up and walk away from this conversation and from this whole horrible situation. But for now, he was stuck in the bed for the foreseeable future.

“It was up to me to not get into a relationship with you, but I did anyway, my heart couldn’t stop itself. I knew, _I knew_ that if you did get your memories back that you’d go back to Sonny, and Sonny would get exactly what he wanted after he dumped me to be with you. And I was proven right. But deep down in my heart?”, Paul thumped lightly at his chest, “I wanted to believe that you felt the same way I did, that maybe our love was stronger, that it would mean to you what it meant to me because, you mean _everything to me_. But I was wrong, you didn’t love me at all.”

“That’s not true, Paul. I do love you,” Will said, sounding upset.

It hurt to say, but Paul was at the end of his tether, his heart spilling over with everything he’d held back.

“You didn’t love me, Will. If you did love me, then the decision to be with Sonny wouldn’t have been an instant one. Apparently all you needed were your memories to love him and to then leave me. These past couple of months were just a blip on your radar, they meant nothing. I was used as a pawn between your dysfunctional relationship, and I fell for it more than once like an idiot.”

Will reached out, but at the last second took his hand back, and Paul was glad for it. He didn’t want any more sympathy. “You’re not an idiot, Paul. You’re the kindest person and bravest person I know. I just--wanted to wait till you were better.”

“But I'm never getting better, Will. Were you just going to stay with me forever and pretend you loved me? How insulting is that?”

Will had no answer, his face flushed with guilt.

Paul laughed again, trying not to let the rage and grief he could feel like a tidal wave holding back overwhelm him. “You can stop pitying me now, Will. I know that you want to be with Sonny, and you only felt obligated to be with me. I don’t need any platitudes from you, or him anymore.”

“I’m so sorry, Paul.”

Paul was tired of hearing the word ‘sorry’, because it didn’t mean anything to him hearing it from Will. It didn’t change anything. No matter how much guilt and regret he put into the word.

“No, I’m the one that’s sorry. Sorry that I ever step foot in this town, sorry that I ever came between your great first love, sorry that I ever fell in love with you in the first place.”

Will looked distressed. “You don’t mean that.”

Paul took a moment to think, but it was what he was truly feeling right then, so he wasn’t going to lie. “I think I do, Will. I can’t help it, but I do mean it. I was an idiot to think that maybe our relationship was strong enough. I thought I could trust you not to break my heart like Sonny did, so no, no--you can’t tell me that I don’t have any regrets right now. Maybe years from now my feelings could change, but I can only be honest with you about my feelings right now.”

“God,” Will covered his face with his hands, voice muffled through his hands. “Paul, I didn’t want it to come to this.”

“Neither did I, but I’m not sure what more there’s left to say. You’re not the same man I fell in love with, you’re different now. So completely different--and this relationship was over the moment you kissed Sonny. It’s obvious you don’t want to be here with me anymore.”

Will met his gaze once more, guilty tears having spilled over his cheeks. “I still care about you, so much, I want to be here. I want to make sure you're okay.”

Paul shrugged nonchalantly. “Not more than you want to be with Sonny, and I’m sure he feels the same. You have your family back now, right? And I have to be okay with that. I want you to be happy, Will. No matter how much I love you, I wouldn’t want to force you to be with me, it’s not fair on me, and it isn’t fair on you.” He’d been resigned to that reality now, and as much as it hurt him to his core, there wasn’t much he could do.

Will wiped at his face, inhaling shakily but able to meet Paul’s gaze. “How do you not hate me right now? Why aren’t you angry at me?”

Only if Will knew how Paul really felt, he was just reining it in for his own sanity. He could be selfish, shout and rage at him. Make him feel even guiltier for what he was putting him through, but Paul’s heart wouldn’t allow it. He hated that he loved Will too much to do that.

“Would it ease your guilt if I was breaking down crying in front of you? Begging for you to choose me instead? Would that make you feel better? Because I’m not that kind of guy.”

There was no answer, Will unable to say anything in response as he looked down at his own hands twisting together nervously, so Paul thought it best to be honest in ways that Will hadn’t been lately.

“Look Will, I don’t think I can ever hate you. But what I think I can never forgive you for is not coming and talking to me first. We were in a _committed_ relationship and you conveniently forgot about it. Do you remember when I told you that if you ever felt something for Sonny that I would step aside?”

Will nodded, and Paul ducked his head so Will would look his way as he spoke solemnly, ignoring the simmering frustration thrumming under his skin.

“That was all I had asked for, and you couldn’t even give me that. It was basic human decency, a mutual respect that I thought we both shared. I thought our relationship had been built on a foundation of honesty, but without that, what even are we? So, can you see there’s no point in being angry? It’s not going to change a thing, especially when you’d made up your mind. And the last thing I ever wanted is for you to be with me out of pity, I deserve better than that. So, this is most definitely over.”

“Paul,” Will cleared his throat before he spoke, hesitating a little at first. “I--I am so sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you--it was never my intention. I had to follow what I felt in my heart, and I’m sorry that I got you involved. Our time together is something I’ll never forget. But believe me when I say that I do love and care for you, and I always will.”

Hearing those words had Paul’s naive heart soaring, but he knew in essence what Will said meant nothing. Because Will’s love wasn’t enough for him to stick around and help him through the toughest time of his life. Will was going to go back to the love his life, his true love, the love that Sonny had so callously dumped him for, and the same love that Will was throwing him out for too.

Paul was tired now, all through his bones, his heart and body aching with the knowledge that the man he loved was leaving him for another, all over again.

“I’m going to leave you to rest,” Will said, sensing that Paul was done. Maybe he did know him after all, maybe he did care a little bit.

“I, yeah--I’d appreciate that.”

Though the stark hospital lighting did nothing for most, Will looked beautiful anyway, and Paul was powerless not to catalogue every single feature of his face for the last time.

Because all Paul knew in that moment, was that even though he hadn’t gotten the chance to touch his lips to Will’s, to hold him close, to feel his skin against his for one final time, to truly appreciate and revel in it--a last, shameless once over was enough for him to live the rest of his life. Even if Will didn’t know it.

But Paul couldn’t let Will leave without one last piece of advice. Whether it was his place or not, he loved him too much to not tell him this one last thing.

“Will?”

Almost at the door, Will turned around, his eyebrows raised in question. “Is everything okay? Do you need anything?”

Paul couldn’t help but smile at that, his heart betraying him. He felt like a fool for feeling the way he did for Will even now.

“I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now,” he began, “but I’m only saying this because I care, and because I thought we could be open with each other before everything that happened. Can I still do that?”

Will nodded, waiting for Paul to carry on.

So he did.

“If I still know my Will, and I think I do, I think you should take some time to be by yourself. You need to be without the kind of people who have too many expectations from you. You’ve been through so much over the past year, you deserve to figure out who you are in the world right now, especially with your memories back. Question things, talk about the things you’ve remembered, make sense of it all. Just be careful before making any rash decisions or commitments.”

Will looked affronted at that, and Paul knew he would, his face turning stormy. “You mean like...being with Sonny?”

“Yeah, exactly that,” Paul said, because he was done beating around the bush. “You probably think I’m saying this as the jealous guy who’s just been dumped, but I’m not. For some reason, I can’t help but care about you even after everything that’s happened. It’s insane, right?”

“Paul, I don’t know--”

But Paul wasn’t done.

“Speaking as a man who has unfortunately been on both sides whatever you and Sonny had, I want you to tread carefully. I wasn’t perfect, I know that...I was a catalyst in those problems too, but it’s still important that you take your time. Everything may seem rosy and wonderful right now, but I know how it went wrong for you both, so please, be careful.”

There was a long moment of silence between them, and Paul didn’t care if he’d overstepped.

He knew he wasn’t just a bystander during the bad times, he’d been a part of those problems in some form, but he also knew both Sonny and Will. He knew, that if the both of them got caught up in the nostalgia of what they used to be and didn’t talk about things before speeding ahead, then things would be over quicker than they’d started.

But Will looked as if he was thinking things over, but maybe that was Paul being optimistic. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

Paul nodded, throwing him a half smile. “That’s the one last thing I ask for. Take care, Will.”

But Will didn’t leave, a strange melancholy flittering over his face.

“Sonny said he wanted to see--”

_Oh god no_.

“No, please tell him I don’t want to see him. I’m done with,” Paul waved his hand between him and Will and hope it got the point across, “all of this. So please, I wish you two all the best and I hope you’re finally happy together. You both got what you wanted.”

There was a long moment where Will didn't say a word and Paul just wanted him to leave so it would just end the torture. But it seemed like Will wasn't done.

“How can you be so kind?”

Paul wanted to laugh hysterically, because he wouldn’t exactly call this kindness. All Paul had ever wanted was to be with someone who put him first, who cared for him unconditionally, who would do anything to keep him happy and vice versa, but when the other guy didn't even want you? Why fight it? This wasn’t kindness, it was just reality. In his heart of hearts he could never wish harm on someone he cared for.

Taking a calming breath, Paul just sighed. “Because no matter what you put me through, I’m a masochist and I’m still a stupid man that wants you to be happy.”

Will’s face crumpled. “Paul, I’m--”

But Paul had had enough.

“No, I don’t want to hear it, Will. Please, just go--leave me in peace.”

Paul hoped Will knew he now really wanted to be left alone.

This conversation, this relationship, anything that they had, was now over.

Will nodded, looking like he wanted to say something more, but stopped himself, and Paul was thankful for it. “Okay--I--uh, take care, Paul.”

Paul nodded in response, throwing Will a wave as he walked out of that door and out of his life, forever.

It was then that he allowed himself to feel everything that he’d bottled up from the moment he’d seen Will and Sonny together.

The anger and the rage bubbled over as tears and anguish, his composure lost as he twisted his head into the pillow below him, covered his face with his hands and sobbed. The betrayal he’d felt, and the love he’d had for Will being crushed and swept away like a tsunami--it was like nothing he’d ever felt before.

Paul had never felt so alone and adrift, and he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d deserved it for the things he’d done wrong in his life.

He wasn’t going to see the man he loved ever again.

And the saddest thing was, was that no one knew he’d be gone by the next morning.

There was a surgeon in California that could possibly help him, a experimental procedure, and Will’s betrayal was the catalyst he needed to just leave, to not be a burden on anyone anymore. It would be the hardest fight of his life and it would take all that was left inside him to get through this. And maybe, just maybe if it all worked out, he’d be able to lead a life on his own, the way he now intended to.

His Mom was planning on meeting him out there, and he wanted nothing more than to be in her arms, to be comforted and loved by her. It had been too long.

All he knew was that he wasn’t allowing anyone into his heart ever again. It was now locked, key thrown into the sea. It would rot inside him he knew, but it was better than going through a heartbreak like this ever again.

A comforting hand on his head and on his arm brought him out of his thoughts, and Paul was quick to check who it was, breathing a sigh of relief when he realised it was his Dad. He swiftly wiped at his face, unable to look at his Dad at all. Why had he become so emotional about this?

“I saw Will leave your room just now,” John said, and Paul nodded, turning to face the wall so he could get rid of any remnants of his tears, wanting to hide away from everything he was feeling right then.

“Son,” John urged, making Paul look his way, squeezing his shoulder lovingly. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Paul croaked out, smiling self-deprecatingly, wiping away the last of the wetness on his face.

“I know, but none of this is your fault either, you get that?”

Paul could only shrug and nod, not quite sure whether he could believe that it wasn’t, but the comforting words were nice. His Dad was going through enough as it was, but to have the kind of love and support he’d been craving could only be a good thing.

“Well, I hope you believe it soon, Son. You deserve better, and you’re not alone, okay? You will never be alone, you’ll always have me, and your family. Everything will be okay, I promise you that.”

“Thank you,” Paul said, his heart feeling full, trying not to cry all over again.

And without another word, Paul had been wrapped up in his Dad’s arms for a hug, and Paul couldn’t help but take comfort in that.

If he had no one, then he had family...and he’d happily live with that. That kind of unconditional love was something he was immensely grateful to have, something he could never take for granted.

So, he’d live, he’d survive...but falling in love with someone else was a risk he’d never ever take again.

 

Paul wasn’t sure what the future would bring his way, but what he knew now, above everything else, was that it was time to put himself first.

 

He was done being anyone’s second best.  


 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry?!?!!! :'( 
> 
> Hit me up if you listened to ['Made Of Stone'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7zfHvdzaPw) and cried about Paul because...I totally DID NOT...
> 
> (P.S. Thinking about writing a sequel to this set a couple of years down the line. Not sure if I'd give Paul another wonderful man who would love him unconditionally, or have Will grovel and work for Paul's love and affection. Let me know what you'd prefer, I guess! :D )


End file.
